My Journey

Is Love just some chemical reaction?

2011-08-24T21:09:00.000+02:00

I had an interesting discussion today with a friend regarding this topic and it puts this whole thing in a different perspective.

And then I did a google search on the subject and OMG there is more people that feel the same way.

Now I am not a scientist and what I know on this subject is dangerous. So looking at what I just read and what I heard today, I am wondering, have I ever really loved someone?

So let’s look at the scientific angle. Firstly they say when you meet someone there is a chemical reaction between two people in their bodies, listen to this, there is a thing the brain creates called phenyl ethylamine or in our language the love drug. With Dopamine and norepinephren that is also released in this process you get excited…and then the article goes on and on that with every touch, thought and deed following thereafter the whole chemical process just gets stronger. Your body likes this feeling and wolla… you are in love. Mmmm ok so people picking up people randomly in pubs, having a good night is really playing around with their chemical balances…

Ok so then they end with that love is a choice… to stick with someone and care for them is something you need to work on. It must be your decision to be with the person and stick with the person to the end. There is ups and downs but it stays your choice…

Then you look at a book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman and they end the book by saying: LOVE IS A CHOICE & LOVE MAKES THE DIFFERENCE. Here we go with the choice again??!!

The five languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Ok now looking at that I can understand that you have to work on your relationship every day. You have to do what makes you happy but also important what makes your partner happy.

Who wants to die alone? Certainly not me!! We were not created to be on this earth to walk a path alone, and then these chemical reactions they are speaking of would not have been part of our constitution.

Ok so in conclusion… these chemical reactions they are talking about I think, is just what makes being in love or attracted to somebody exciting. I want to agree that some people might think that means they are in love, but that’s not really true. I think personally that people get so hurt by other people making selfish decisions and in the process hurting others in such a way that they don’t want to make the choice to love someone again. Now that… I do understand…

To Be or Not to Be

2011-01-29T23:46:00.001+02:00

To be or not to be… everybody knows this saying… and everybody have a different connection to it…

It may be that you are a Shakespeare fan… and understand exactly where this comes from, or you could take it deeper and implement it in your own life.

To BE or not to BE
To LOVE or not to LOVE
To really SEE someone for the first time
To realise you found a TREASURE
To ACT or not to ACT
To FEEL or not to FEEL

Emotions are a wonderful thing. To let your heart go even a better feeling. To realise you about to take another chance. To Smile because you’re in love again. To start walking the unknown road again. To take that chance and make the best of it…

Shakespeare is seen in a lot of people’s eyes as one of the most romantic authors of all time. Sometimes I wonder if he hasn’t had more meaning in the words… To be or not to be…

Today I hope that everybody in this world experience the feeling to be in Love this year…including me…

Love your neighbour like yourself

2010-10-04T09:45:00.000+02:00

Was in church yesterday and the message was… you must love everybody in the world… Now let me tell you... I can try to love everybody in the world, but there is no way in HELL that I will like them all.

On Friday evening I had the opportunity to see what a revolver looked like from very close, it was actually so close in my face that it was a blur and then they pulled me out of my car, that was impressive with all this weight and all, robbed me from of all my personal things and left me standing next to the road with only my kid in my arms.

I started laughing… just the night before my dad gave me this new car… and he explained to me all the security features and I still remember him saying… “I know this is over kill, but the guys love stealing this car.” But I listened to how the gear lock and immobiliser worked and how to activate the anti-highjack… And trues-bob the next day the anti-highjack showed us that it only takes 3 blocks to cut the car from power and 3 HOURS to reset so you can drive the car again.

So love all the people in the world… I will try… but like them????? FORGET IT!!!!

So now I have this very irritating mission… you can’t get a driver’s licences without an ID… so step one, get an ID, then get a driver’s licence on the temporary ID they provide. I am not even speaking about all the data I lost on my Cell phone… May they have a cramp in their behind every time they look at the phone…. I actually feel sorry for them because out of that whole ordeal they got nothing.

Firstly they had BIG trouble using the phone, it’s a blackberry Storm… do I need to say more… so they did not use any airtime, then I blacklisted the phone … so they can’t use that… all my bank cards are debit cards and need pin codes, so they can’t use that. Ok the cash in my wallet might have been helpful, and not sure that they will enjoy the Afrikaans Cd’s they took… but anyway… what a wonderful way to start a weekend.

Can only hope the rest of the week will be successful!

Where do you buy a backbone?

2009-11-10T13:04:00.000+02:00

They say silence is golden… in my case silence is hell… Work is playing a BIG role in my life at the moment and that brings the result of not checking in here enough. Funny title for a blog today, but I just need to get a few things of my mind…

I think the person that knows me the best is myself and if I have to give you a short description of what type of person I am it will go something like this… quiet, introvert, honest, hardworking. I am a software developer of profession and I am as happy as a pig in Pali stein if I can sit in my little corner and just program. The less I speak to people and interact with people around me the better. Some of you will lift an eyebrow now and say… but that is not how we know you???

Well I open up and get out of my shell in selective company. I am VERY picky who “moves” into my personal space and who actually see who I really am. Now why in the world would I do this you ask? Well I have a few reasons. It started from a very young age where I got hurt by someone I trusted with my life. The trust that I had in people at that stage where shattered and destroyed. And this just snowballed into something so major now that after 20 years I don’t even have the guts to tell someone in a shopping que that is breathing in my neck to just step back a bit… Ill rather just take a step forward.

In the past 24 hours 3 people asked me why I don’t open my mouth when people come down on me or use me as a doormat. It’s because in that situation at that specific moment I go into statue mode. Afterwards I will be able to tell you exactly what I was suppose to respond and how I was suppose to defend myself. But in that moment… I am cast in stone. My mouth goes dry, my heart moves up into my throat smothering me. I actually get scared. I feel like a small kid that just wants her mommy to protect her. I am backboneless. An amateur and fucktup headless chicken. How de hell do you explain that to someone that speaks easily and has the self confidence that I can only dream of?

What I would not give up to be able to speak my mind!! I am so glad that my daughter did not inherit this from me. She is so confidant in herself. Stands her man and fight her battles and honestly I hope that she never sees me in a situation where I destroy the “My Mom is a Hero” picture in her mind. Funny that if it comes to my kid I am the best spokes person around. It’s maybe because I have pride in my daughter. I am proud of her. Well mannered and likable by all people. What does that say about me? I don’t have any pride in myself?

Funny thing is that I want to change this, but it goes so much deeper. Problem is that if I don’t find a way to get rid of this stampede running my life senseless, I will explode. And that may resolve into something MAJOR big and MAJOR wrong…

So I am open for advice…please don’t tell me to just learn how to do this… I know that… I need to know what I must do. And don’t judge me or think in your mind I am pathetic, I am sure you are scared of something too… even if it’s something stupid like heights or spiders – to you that is a BIG deal. I need to know how do I get over my fear of people… How to life out of my shell and not to give a flying fuck what people think. Where to get this backbone everybody is talking about…

Ending the night with an ALIEN...

2009-10-29T14:35:00.005+02:00

The Friday was a lazy day… Went to the hair dresser to look like a human being again and grabbed some stuff in the shops for food and for the rest of the evening I slept in front of the TV… Rolf had to go to a work function that evening so I had to pretty much keep myself busy… The fact that I rested was a good thing because I was gonna need it the following day…

One of Rolf’s friends came to visit and the plan was to go to the October beer fest the Saturday evening. Now in Germany you do not drive when you drink… and yes we do that in South Africa a lot!! So in a way it was a bit frustrating for me to just get use to the idea that you don’t go with your own transport to a party. Now I am a very independent person and I normally make sure I am at a party of function with my own car so that I can leave when I want to. Does not work like that in Germany… So realising that saying something would not be the right thing to do… I just shutted up and went with the flow.

So we started walking towards the station. I saw that its steep down hill and I actually mentioned that being influenced with alcohol will not make the climb back home easier :D Then it came out that Rolf and his friend actually did walk up that hill the year before, but I also heard that we were going to catch a taxi home, so I don’t need worry. I honestly can not imagine to walk up that hill with LOTS of beer in your system… you most probably will be sober by the time you get to the top haha.

Now you must understand that I come from South Africa. Underground trains and actual decent transport is not really part of our daily exercise. So getting to the station we walked straight up to a machine – punched in a code – put in some money – and had a ticket . What confused me was not the ticket machine (was weird that it was working and not broken though); it was the way Rolf was hurrying up as if the train will arrive any second now. A train left the station as we were approaching the station – so I did not understand the hurry… Well again I was wrong… every 15 min a train… yeah… not lying here… seriously!

Sitting on the train and not looking like a tourist is difficult, so I just did not worry any more. My mouth hung open… I checked all the people on the train. You can seriously just look at the people’s faces and see they are not South African… they look different. I was checking out the people and the electronic dot moving from the one station name to the next just about the exit door.
I realised something that day… things just work in Germany! If that was a train in SA then the bulbs of that electronic map would have been stolen LONG time ago… anyway… got to the Beer fest. What an experience. We tried to get into a drinking tent – but it was just too full. So we started walking and checking out all the stalls. Played some games – won a duck that makes a noise when you smack it on the bum hehe very cool. I carried this duck with me the whole evening!!! We took a train back to center town to look for a party place there. And we found one… in a Irish Pub in Germany I was teaching people how to drink ”Springbokkies”. Yes I was drinking Brandy not beer and teaching these Germans about amarula and peppermint liquor . That was the day of my holiday that I blew the most money in ONE shot and I did not realise this until the next day when I sat and worked the money back to South African Rands that I realised it. One Springbok = R42-00 and a single brandy and Coke = R102-00. Bad hey?!?!?! OHHH but I had so much fun that I do not regret one moment.

You can’t smoke in the pubs, but they have these glass rooms where you can smoke in… And I made some American and Australian friends in there… Total different atmosphere inside… outside this room was the life band playing and we danced to all the hits they were playing and all in all it was just a very great evening.

At half past one that Sunday morning we decided it’s time to home… but first we stopped at World of Kebab… MAN that was nice… basically a tortilla rolled like a pancake with meat and cheese and tomato and some sauce that is just soooo freaking good. After this energy refill we took a ride back with an ALIEN…

Remember the movie Men in Black… they confirmed that most cab drivers are from different planets… well this one was. I was beyond nervous when we stopped at home – this guy holy smolly drove like a lunatic (and I am not being unrealistic, even Rolf next to me that likes his fast driving looked a bit worried, or maybe it was the alcohol… never mind) and then to top it all he does not shut up… talking the biggest bullshit. Like he is from Portugal and when Rolf spoke Portuguese to him he did not understand… and that he is like in the country for 3 days just helping out then going home again – but he was driving the city cab as if he knew every small road everywhere… I was glad to be home… but honestly… that guy could be from another planet … seriously… he freaked me out – TOTALLY!!!

Sinsiam - Technical Museum.

2009-10-29T11:51:00.002+02:00

The whole idea of visiting a Technical Museum may not fall into everybody’s taste, but for me it was like getting Christmas presents early. I you know what my biggest dream in life is… then you will understand why I feel this way… But let me back track a bit…

My utmost favourite movie is “Back to the Future 1.2.3” and when I ordered them on DVD Rolf said that it would be nice to see these old movies again. So that was one of the things that I had to remember when I packed for the trip. So we started watching them through out the holiday and you can imagine my extreme excitement when I found the “De Lorean DMC” in the Technical Museum. The funny thing about this car is that it was produced by a guy called John De Lorean in Northern Ireland and developed in Detroit to be a super car in America. Unfortunately, this vehicle had an inadequate engine to compete on the European market and that ruined the De Lorean Company in Europe. What made it even more difficult especially in Germany to market the car were the gullwing doors… so the car did not take of there. But the car was the “star” in my movies.

Now I must tell you one thing about Germany… the streets there are NARROW!!! Plus how some people actually park their cars in those small spaces, only they would know. I still freak out with the people driving on the opposite side of the road and the trust that people have in each other on the roads, are just totally unknown to me. If you don’t think for the people around you on the road in South Africa, you will have a quick death!!
There, OMW, people drive faster and safer, but to come back to the narrow roads… I can understand that the De Lorean would not have worked in Germany, the doors would seriously caused some interesting accidents.

The other very exciting thing we saw was the Concorde F-BVFB – don’t look so confused… it’s just a VERY VERY fast passenger Aeroplane. For Example – a normal flight from London to New York in a normal Boeing is 8 hours and this one did it in 3,5 hours. We took the stairs up into the plane and let me tell you, I am not afraid of heights right? But that feeling I got when I got into the back of the plane and started to walk to the cockpit was something VERY weird. I tried to figure out what was going on with me… it was like my balance was totally confused and the angle that they “parked” the plane at was uphill. Just felt weird and NOT in control… the going back was even a worst feeling. It was nice having my feet on the ground again.
According to the experts that are the angle the plane flied. The plane in front on the picture is the Tupolev Tu-144 made in Moscow. That is also like a super fast plane and also the first plane that broke the sound barrier in 1969. They actually used this plane to fly passengers too, but after 2 crashes and 100 flights ONLY they retired the plane. The Concorde did a lot better, was 27 years in service and did 5473 flights but after the big crash, just after take off in 2000, they retired the plane and sold it to this museum for 1 Euro. So the two super planes stand side by side for people like us to go investigate…

We also saw a lot of cars… from where it started to the latest… what was VERY interesting was that the Monaco Grandprix started in 1930 for the first time. And still is a BIG hit as you all know. All in all this was an amazing experience to see how everything regarding planes and cars started and developed over the years. I did not realise that Germany played such a big role in the development of cars.

Lastly I would like to mention how distracted I was in everything around me that day… we booked to go see the IMAX and when the “movie” started I realised that it’s in German. The thought of me not understanding a word did not even cross my mind before. Still was AMAZING… but if you ask me facts I would not be able to tell you… I actually sat laughing at myself during the show for not even thinking ahead… Just shows you that I was busy getting into the way of doing in Germany and accepting everything around me as if it was part of my everyday normal way of doing.

We did a lot of walking that day and just before we took the road home we sat down and had an ice-cream and it was just amazing sharing all that with someone that was actually just as interested in all the things we experienced that day.
Two totally opposite personalities sharing the same interests is not common, but works like a bomb.

That Loving Feeling...

2009-10-22T20:45:00.005+02:00

I just want to take a little break from the holiday review… I heard an interesting thing this morning… a paradox rather… if you love until it hurts, then there can’t be more hurt, only more love…

Being back home sucks big time and the only reason is just because I can’t be with the person I love with my whole heart. How I survived before, I can’t honestly tell you. It’s like something stayed behind in Germany.

If we both lived in the same country, in the same town, I can guarantee that every free moment would have been spent together; the hell alone knows how you get to the normal things in life, if your life changes like that. But wait, that’s the whole thing, when you get a new partner in your life, your whole life change and adjust to fit both right? How weird is this now, coming back to my “old” life? Only difference is that my heart is not empty anymore, but my arms are…

I understand for the first time what it means to love someone until it hurts and the weird part is that this love I am feeling is just growing stronger everyday. I knew I loved Rolf before I went to Germany. You don’t spend 11 months talking and sharing with someone and not forming some kind of feeling. My biggest fear before I got onto that plane that day was that he will not love me back the way I love him. I know this is very naïve and a lot of people are cautious of relationships like this. But just deep in my heart I knew I love this man. But that love came to a standstill about 3 months before I went on holiday. It was not growing in any direction anymore because it needed “something” more to grow.

The 2,5 weeks in Germany was the best thing that could have happened to this stagnating love feeling… after I discovered that he feels exactly the same way, the rocket launched and there was no stop… every day the love grew stronger and more solid and more certain. The curve it was growing by was extreme and exciting and out of control.

Yeah we had some hurdles on the way, what relationship does not have it… but the hurdles was not big enough to tamper with the speed the love for him inside me grew. The funny thing is that the speed of growing has not reduced even though I am home. Everyday just becomes tougher to imagine not spending my life with him. Yes big words to say hey?! And some people will comment you are still in your honeymoon phase… well even if that is true, my heart hurt that I am not with him and stuck here for now. So I agree with the paradox I’ve mention before… it hurt so much, but the love just grows stronger everyday.

Why do I say this feeling is different and unique to anything I have every felt before in my life? It’s easy and I am not proud of what I am going to say right now, but it’s the truth and the only way to proof why I can say this is different. In the past when I got the “loving feeling”, or what I thought was the feeling, I will do everything in my power to change the situation so that I can be with the guy at all times, move house, change work hours, give up extra work, not spend time with my friends… why? Because I thought that if I don’t to that, I will loose him and he will move on to the next best thing. I ruined my own life and made my own life unstable financially and emotionally just to make sure I tried everything to keep a man.

What’s different this time? Although I am impatient and want to be with the one I love, there is calmness over me that tells me all will work out in the right time. I don’t need to rush nothing because all will work out exactly when and where it should be. I am not going through extreme measures to change this situation so that everything can be like my fairytale ending because I know the boat is sailing in the right direction, the weather man has predicted a few storms on the way – the weather man is not always right too, but the final destination is set and the boat will dock when it’s suppose to dock and the harbour is not going anywhere. The urge to get there as soon as possible is there... but there is no rush...

Checking out France

2009-10-20T15:52:00.003+02:00

Tuesday Rolf took me back to the town I visited with Tracie the first day, Tubigen. It was nice to experience the town this time with no stress ruling my train of thought. What a pretty little town just outside Stuttgart. We did most of our planning for the rest of the vacation there… deciding when to go where and what we still need to do.

All this time my daughter was on my mind and I organised to talk to her on Skype that evening. In a way I forgot she existed with all with all the excitement, but that day I really missed her. After talking to her that evening I did not feel to good though… it upset me big time. So I decided not to contact her again unless she asks to talk to me. And that did not happen for the rest of the vacation.

The next morning early we headed for the France border to go to Riquewihr, a Medieval town in France. Everything in this town is just as it were when it was built. You can not enter the town by car; you have to park outside and walk in. There we saw everything from Churches to hostels to the Torture house (that was a bit disturbing). I realised again that I would not have fitted into that type of lifestyle and the ways everything was done.

We also saw what happened when the war broke out and all the damage the town got from that. You can’t believe that everything was rebuilt in exactly the way it was before.

We bought coconut cookies and ate at a French Restaurant eating Deer in Pinot Nior (Red wine) Gravy with Button Noodles. My comment on this will be that it was interesting….

All in all it was a VERY romantic outing and again walking around the whole day in this Medieval town hand in hand and just chatting the day away. The service all in all was very bad and the people very rude, so we decided not to sleep over in Riquewihr like we planned but to go to Freiburg and sleep over there. Our next stop the next day was Sinshiam Technical Museum anyway and it will just be closer to do it this way.

The hotel we slept in was REALLY from the olden days. Everything smelled like old wood and it was a very cute place to stay. I love the fact that Germans likes’ cheese and I did make sure that I got a very good portion of that in for breakfast before we took the road to Sinshiam.

Blaubeuren and Natural hot water baths

2009-10-20T11:33:00.004+02:00

One thing I saw in Germany that amazed me till the day I left was that everything start later in the day… All the shops for example only open at 10:00 in the morning. But on the other hand everything stays open till 8 in the evening…

On Monday we decided to go to Blaubeuren. There is a Blue lagoon… so clear and so blue that one can just stare at it for hours. Again we got stuck at the lagoon chatting the day away… amazing is the only word I can use to describe that. About the Lagoon… Divers love this lagoon because you can dive deep into the tunnels underneath the ground and its unbelievable deep. Secondly why this is so amazing is because this is a natural water source that provides the whole town with water.

After that we visited the monastery in the town. I am glad I did not have that life in my previous life… I don’t think I would have survived the primitive way of living. In the centre of the monastery is an herb and vegetable garden. Now if you think it is only in movies where the nuns and monks work in the herb garden… then you are wrong. I looked on the list of what was planted there and you can live on all that no problem. The Sun Clock was something you don’t see every day.

What caught my attention here was that they only used the best materials to build the place. Dark wood and gold and sliver. The high alter room was the most impressive. And the detail everywhere was amazing.

After visiting this amazing little town we went to the natural water baths. Spend an amazing 2 hours just laying the water. All natural out of the ground water… better that a massage. The people there and I think everywhere in Europe does not care what others think of them… I was so shy getting into my swimsuit and walking there in the open and everybody can see exactly what you look like. Funny thing is that nobody really cares. But I did not feel comfortable. All in all it was amazing!! I was so relaxed after that hot water treatment that I could barely keep my eyes open.

But we had to eat and we popped into a restaurant after that to grab a burger and I almost fell asleep while eating… Got home and passed out like someone that hasn’t slept in a year. My body was finally switching off and relaxing after a very hectic year and I was so happy that I could not explain that in words….

Meeting the Parents

2009-10-20T10:39:00.004+02:00

After a long time of silence I am prepared to share the rest of my holiday with you guys… Why I took so long to respond here is basically because I wanted everything to sink in because for the first time a fairytale came true. This was the best holiday ever and the start I believe of something VERY special… the thing a girl dreams of and the type of thing not everybody has the opportunity to experience ever in their life…

The Saturday morning we woke up like people on holiday and we decided I need to see what Stuttgart looks like. We started by having Brunch at a German restaurant overlooking the town center. And then we started walking… For up to 4 hours we just walked in Stuttgart and talked like we haven’t talked in years. Holding hands like school kids and just enjoying being together. It was so amazing to find someone that you can communicate to without thinking of what to say next.

I found out that day that there are 2 things in Germany that I REALLY like and that is Red Sausage and Orange Fanta. No the Fanta taste different!! Hard to explain but I just love it!!

After walking so much the hunger started kicking in and we had to go do some grocery shopping. We went to the general store close to his house and really people things are just different in Germany… Bread and Meat is available behind a counter and the variety is amazing. Unfortunately the people behind these counters only speak German, but we got what we needed…

Got home I received a home cooked meal and passed out so early… think the excitement of the flight and all was just too much.

Next morning I heard that we were invited for Tea and Cake at his parent’s house… Great… I am like not totally on my feet and I am meeting the parents… great!!! What helped was doing some shopping before hand, buying some games and experiencing a technical store in Germany… let me tell you… I will destroy my budget in that place every month… games are cheap and what ever you can think of… its there!!!!

Now if you thought I was nervous meeting Rolf try meeting the parents. But funny enough that ended up from cake and tea into Dinner and card playing afterwards. Again language was a problem, but I tried with my limited German to follow the conversation plus they also made an effort to talk more English… was wonderful evening and when we were driving home I sat thinking that this is going so well and I am getting along with everybody that I must be dreaming!!

So far I was enjoying myself and seeing and learning new things everyday… could this get any better??

The First Meeting

2009-09-27T09:50:00.002+02:00

The next mission in Frankfurt was to get a train to Stuttgart. I being a smart ass and not booking this ticket ahead of time took 1 whole hour to find the place to buy the ticket… Luckily I was not in a hurry, so it did not matter. At least I found it :D
I found a bathroom to change cloths and make myself more representable and then I looked for coffee… yes I am a coffee addict ok!!!
To find the platform was easy… getting onto the train was easy… wished I looked better at my ticket… ended up sitting in 1st Class with a 2nd Class ticket and needless to say they asked me nicely to move my ass to 2nd class ASAP. Not embarrassing at all REALLY!!!
The hour trip was quick… going at 300km/h and doing a normal car trip of 2,5 hours in an hour… interesting… no more comment about that :D
Up to Frankfurt Station I did not really have to carry my bags… there was a trolley… ending up in Stuttgart I had to start carrying my stuff. Yes I am your typical woman with heavy suitcases… not from cloths though… more form laptops and removable Hard drives and so forth.. point is… HEAVY!!!!
So the first thing I did climbing of the train in Stuttgart was to look for the familiar yellow block that was painted on the ground saying you can smoke here. Ending up talking to a very nice guy – IT Administrator form Stuttgart – and no I don’t understand how IT people attract each other like that… anyway after having a good smoke and a very nice chat I started to walk with my luggage. And yes there were trolleys to put your stuff on, but the smallest change I had was a 5E note… and that does not fit into the 20cent slot to separate the one trolley from the other… so I walked and stopped and walked and stop and yeah.. Was almost dead…. Got to the spot where Tracie picked me up.
I was nervous to meet her. But that like flew out the window in the first 2 minutes. We clicked instantly and had a ball of an afternoon… waiting for Rolf to get off his last day of work. And needless to say that I had hmmmm I drank a BIG beer to get the nerves down to meet him.
I think Tracie saw to sit in her house the whole afternoon is not going to help the nerves so the two of us got into the “smart” and went sightseeing… I am still furious not talking my camera with me… so I have to go back and take some photos there… but amazing… and German people talk VERY fast by the way. Not that I can remember anything from my 6 month German Course… still…
Tracie and I talked nonstop and laughing and chatting and I almost forgot the main reason why I came to Germany…. So arriving back at her place we got the surprise of Rolf already waiting for me there. He got off work early. The awkwardness did not even last 1 minute. I have worried myself for no reason!!!
Not long after the meeting we all went out for dinner at Archies. American restaurant. I had a triple cheese burger and chips. Yeah MONSTER big… I did not take a picture of this for one reason only…. You would think I am a pig… because I actually finished the burger. We had beer again… and a VERY nice evening.
I had my first experience on the AutoBan. The no limit in speed Highway… I did not ask how fast we were going but I did manage to look without Rolf seeing… 190km/h. I think we went faster at some stage not sure… and yes I was a little bit scared but it helps when you trust someone. But that’s the way things are done here.
I started off my vacation on a VERY high note and it can only get better :D

Getting on the Plane

2009-09-27T09:08:00.002+02:00

I think the best place to start is the flight from Johannesburg. Ok you must now call me a “sussie” but I was so scared and frankly did not mind how many people saw it…
Anyway. Chantelle and James took me to the airport. Helped me to book in… get a proper seat… and pushed me through customs and said goodbye. Standing in the queue to get my things through the scanners was nerve wrecking… not that I had anything to worry about… but Murphy is a bliksem. And that is also what happened. Had to take the Laptop out of the bag and everything and then had to unpack my hand luggage… why? Because they thought my toothpaste holder was an aerosol bottle… and that was in the bottom of my suitcase.
After that it was very straight forward… went to the smokers lounge … got myself a strong cup of coffee… and a nice spot for my computer… fixed some last things for work… working myself even more up as the time is going past… and eventually walking the LONG walk to the gate.
Now changing my flight from Virgin Atlantic to Ethiopian Air was a quick decision just to make sure that all my visas and things come in on time. The airplane was small… the seat was uncomfortable and sitting in the emergency door row was hmmm not the best choice I think. I am not the smallest person around. But the food was excellent and the service brilliant plus I was so freaken tired for working straight through the 2 previous nights… that I actually did not care and slept most of the way.
When I got to Abeba Airport I was amazed to see all the different types of people. But I think the thing that took my off my feet was that you can smoke anywhere… I can’t remember when last I have seen that. I had 2 hours to kill and walked around the Airport checking out the shops and stuff…
I found this interesting lady sitting on a high chair brewing coffee and you could sit on the wooden/leather chairs enjoying a SMALL cup for 1E each… was nice… did not wake me up though.. I slept through on the next flight and I had 4 cups.
Here is a picture of the lady. See the black kettle on the right hand side… that is coffee in the making on the fire. And in front of her is the coffee cups… check how small they are… and she is busy turning raw cotton into thread so that the ladies can use it later on to make cotton dresses, like the one she is wearing.

After 2 hours of hanging around there… not getting any signal for my phone and VERY frustrated because I cannot let anybody know how I’m doing… I got onto my next flight to Frankfurt… seats were bigger… food SUCK this time… but luckily the flight was rather empty and we could stretch out and sleep properly before we landed in Frankfurt Friday morning at 6 o clock….

First Step to a new World...

2009-09-24T13:21:00.001+02:00

Here I am on the airport so nervous that I can kill something!!! At the moment I am not sure what it is that’s making me nervous. One thing for sure and that is; to say goodbye to my kid was terrible!! She looked so excited to say goodbye and go with the nanny… not sad to see me go at all… and all I’m trying to do is not to cry like a baby.

My world so small and secure, that something like this totally freaks me out. I remember working for a boss in 1999 ( that’s when this dream started by the way) that told me in my face that I am a mamma’s girl and will never have the guts to leave the country… not even to go on holiday like I am doing now. I remember how angry I was when she said this to me… dare she say something like that. But I think there was some truth in it.

So here I am… really starting my journey now. Wish me luck… I have a feeling that I have some major eye openers coming my way.

2 Days to Go...

2009-09-22T09:51:00.001+02:00

Can’t believe how time flies when you are busy… 2 more days and I am going on vacation… The past 2 weeks was hell on earth.

If you want to see someone who is the best friend of Murphy… you must come look me up. First encountering I had was with the German Embassy… they have this new Biometric photo thing. So according to them everything on my application for the visa was ok… except my photo. So I had to go back a second time with the correct photo. My question at that stage was why??? Well seems like South Africa has the biggest crime in false passports and also I think they are starting to build a database of people’s faces…

Anyway. Went back a second time and then the chick picked up that I get a connection flight in London to Germany and need a UK Visa before they can issue me with a German Visa. OMW what a mission… my days were running out and there were just like in NO way that I will get the one visa in time for the other. And I don’t know about other people, but I don’t want to stress about sh#t when I go on holiday, so I had to get this out of the way or leave the trip. And I was VERY close to pull the plug. Thanks to a good friend that can cope in stressful situations, we sorted the whole setup in 24 hours. And now I am flying directly to Germany.

After visiting the German Embassy for a third time my application was accepted. Week later I got my Visa… and wolla… all sorted… I am on my way to Germany… flying only in 2 days.

Work is hectic at the moment, because I need to get everything finished before tomorrow afternoon because after that I am going to be useless anyway.

The big packing is still ahead tomorrow night… That is a mission on its own, but I am not complaining for one second!!! I am going on my first oversea holiday and that is a miracle on its own.

Watch this space… will keep the people who want to know how a first time holidayer experiences the world out there…

Trust

2009-09-03T07:17:00.001+02:00

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it....

My folks brought me up to live in the honest ways of life. To always talk the truth. Never to tell a lie and to stand your man when accused. Guess what? Not all people were brought up this way...

People amaze me every day. I live in the real world. I work in a sophisticated company. Normal people like you and me. But is this really the truth? How many people leave the house with their favorite mask on?

Today I feel like I would like to scream!!! Do you know how many people that walks with you every day is a different person at home?? Do you know how many woman, children and men are raped over and over and over every night in their own house by someone they trust?? Do you know how many people sit at home alone every night and make havoc wherever they can because they don’t have anything better to do? Trying to destroy innocent lives?? Do you have any idea how many people you work with, stick their noses into a happily married home and F#CK everything up?? I can go on and on about this.

And you know what?? People do not receive ANY punishment for this. And that is making me very angry. For example: This guy walks in on his wife with her lover. Because he is SO angry he shoots them both. He is now in jail for that. THE WRONG PERSON IS PUNISHED HERE!!!

The thing that I can’t understand is why people can’t think for themselves. A very wise man said: Don’t do to others that you do not want upon yourself. That does not stop people. Sometimes I think is better to stay in your house, talk to nobody and hide from this cruel world. Because it SUCKS people!!! There is no way to defend yourself against spineless people in this world. And at some stage you just get fed up…

Rollercoaster to hell

2009-09-02T10:33:00.003+02:00

I have never been in hell before so all this will be hypothetical speaking... but I must honestly tell you that I am amazed how things influence other things and then change people’s behavior. But let me start from the beginning...

When normal people go on holiday I assume the ritual is something like...Finishing work to be done and handing daily processes to someone else to do while you are not there and most of the time your job comes to a standstill while you are on holiday. Most people can go away for 3 weeks and hmmm nobody really realize you are not there. That actually brings me to a big point of concern… if people don’t realize or worry that you are on holiday, do they really need you?? ANYWAY... so most people go into holiday mood 3 days before holiday… nothing really happens at work in those 3 days and then they go...

I on the other hand... and this is a proven fact... For the past 4 years I could not do the normal thing. I am practically working myself into a stiff just to make sure everything is done before I go. Why?? Well I don’t know… I get the feeling they are scared I am not coming back and then all the work will be hanging in the air.

It’s like everybody just woke up from a 100 year sleep and need this and that done before I go. People I am leaving in 3 weeks time for holiday... I have only so much time to do this in. My question is; why not asked me 2 weeks ago… then I could have built in some time.

No seriously people… after the next 3 weeks, I am REALLY going to need a holiday!!!! Wonder if my life will ever turn back to normal again... because now... I feel like I am on a Rollercoaster to hell.

Good Manners cost nothing...

2009-09-01T06:54:00.002+02:00

I am a computer developer of profession. So one of my strong points is to take a scenario and think 5 steps ahead to see what the outcome could be. It also mean that when I prepare a dinner, party, moving or even just a present for someone’s birthday or Christmas that I put a lot of thought in it.

You don’t want to give someone something that they will just through in the back or their closest. So I think very thoroughly before buying anything. Call me sensitive or over reacting I don’t care, this is my space so I can say what I feel... It hurts when someone don’t like what I give them as a present... or don’t like the project I just finished for them... or don't like the way I handle a project.

In a work situation I will understand when my boss flip backwards because he is not pleased, but in other personal situations... rather just say thank you very much and smile – even if you don’t like it... and through it in the back of your closet.

I remember the first time that this hit me like between the eyes was at my first job as junior programmer. My boss gave me a project to do and I worked myself stupid just to get finished in time and that everything was working 100%. I made my deadline, but when we presented the code in a meeting to the rest of the team, I saw that my boss rewrote my code. So why did I go through the trouble to do my best if it’s overwritten??

So I take a lot of caution when I give something I created or put together to someone. I know I must not be bothered if someone pulls a face or gives the present away because they don’t like it. Still hurts though… I think if I just grabbed something of the shelve without thinking... yes... but that’s not the case.

I analyze a situation... because that is who I am. It just helps to make the disappointment less. It’s like my plane ticket... I bought that in February already for September ... why?? Because I don’t want to be disappointed not getting a ticket and yes there was a lot of specials now, a month before flying... but what if...

I'll rather be 5 steps ahead and be prepared than stabbed in the back... then it's to late.

Dreamer or Realist

2009-08-31T07:02:00.001+02:00

Some people say I think too much… others will see that I am just careful… others will think I am crazy and then there are some people that also still believe in fairytales like I do.

Our world is so sour already. All you hear everywhere in the news is bad… the papers are full of bad news stuff. People are tired this time of the year, so work does not bring happy thoughts most of the time because of that. Divorce figures are still climbing, kids grow up in single homes and the economy is not where we want it yet… so why complicate the things that can really make you happy?

What is better than having that loving feeling in your heart… closing your eyes and seeing that person in front of you that you adore more than life itself? I catch myself dreaming a lot. Wondering how things can be and yes, I am opening myself up for hurt, but you know what? I will pick up the pieces again; I have done it before… so I am sorry I am a dreamer – that is what keeps me sane! I also have guts and willing to try again...

I have been a dreamer my whole life. Some smart people will say that your dream world is an escape from the real world. And so what if it is? Nobodies’ world is perfect and if I am happy there why try to change it? Oh ok.. I see where this can lead… No I am not crazy and No I don’t want to live in my dream world forever. I just want to be happy and live happily ever after someday...

Now try and put a dreamer and a realist into one long distance relationship... Interesting times...

The Start of the Journey

2009-08-30T13:30:00.001+02:00

To start a new Journey is always fun. Two strong emotions come to mind… excitement and fear.

On 28 October 2008 I met a new friend through a mutual friend. From the first conversation I knew that I made a friend that share many of the same interests as myself and that this friendship will go a long way. After a month of daily long letters getting to know each other, I made up my mind that this is the person I want to be with when I make one of my biggest wishes come true.

The first idea that will pop into most people’s head will be marriage but it’s not that in this case. I started to plan my first oversea trip in November last year and I am counting the days to my plane departing from South Africa.

I wanted to go to Europe since 2001 and the opportunity hasn’t pop up until November last year. But with careful planning this dream will come true in 24 days.

This blog is to keep record of the final things that need to happen before I go and an online diary of everything I will experience in the following weeks, plus to keep you guys up to date on how my friendship with my new friend will go. Anything is possible…

Bit of background on my friendship with my new friend… This is one of these online friendships that after 2 months of intense chatting on email and then later switching over to Skype video chat moved over into a relationship where 2 people care a lot for each other. The main difference between real life relationships and online is that I think you get to know someone a lot better online. I personally found that I can speak more freely online and also that someone do not judge you on appearance but really get to know the person inside.

The downside of an online relationship is that you can pretend to be someone who you are not. You also can show the person on the other side just what you want them to see. It is a dangerous game to play because it can turn out into a lot of heartache.
I personally had a few very bad experiences online with people that were not honest with me and then when we meet in real life you see the person for who they really are and then all dreams get shattered into million pieces.

But experience makes you smarter also makes you get back into your shell and hide from the world. I am not someone that can just pick up a guy and start a new relationship. My trust factor was nonexistent and my house was my best friend.

Falling in love online was the last thing on my mind and honestly to get involved with a man again not on my priority list… and that was my frame of mind when I started to plan my trip to Europe… Who would have known that for the past 8 months two people will fall in love and meet in 24 days…